the bad guy's shoes ~m

I'm the good guy.

No doubt about it. How could I not be? I know what good is, and I know how to distinguish between good and evil. Oh, that guy doesn't want to be friends? He must not know how good I am. Oh, I don't want to be friends with that other guy? Well I have discernment, I know what's best. That guy Peter, while he was following Jesus on His ministry? Sheesh, what an idiot. Seriously, how could he doubt Jesus when he's standing right there? Just walk on the water, dude. Me? Yeah, I lost sight of God. But I promise you, you've never SEEN the busyness I'm dealing with right now. I was too busy to look at the sunset and soak in God's glory, I had too many emails to get to.

That guy Pontius Pilate? He literally gave Jesus over to be killed. There is no excuse for that. Sure, he resisted a little, but his wife had horrible dreams about what would happen if Pilate followed through with assisting in the murder of Jesus. She warned him. Pilate knew Jesus was too composed to be a criminal, he was humble yet with the posture and intelligence of a king. All the signs showed that this was unfair. No excuses, Pilate. I could never relate to that kind of betrayal.

Except that I can. 

The Good Guys vs. the Sociopaths

I subconsciously like to split Bible characters into these two categories: the Heroes and the Remorseless Criminals. Sure, the good guys can mess up, but they're ultimately not bad people. The criminals are less than human, they're weak, and they deserve what's coming to them. The Apostles never sinned after Jesus ascended, otherwise the story wouldn't work, right? This is a weird thought for me. As I'm typing I'm realizing that I've always unconsciously viewed the Apostles as somehow more than human and perfect. Am I alone in this? I mean, sure now that I've said it it sounds dumb. But it's crazy how the subconscious works sometimes. 

Back to the point. Pilate. 

I was sitting in church this past Sunday when the story of Jesus's last night before his death was read. Pilate's story caught my attention, and I found myself viewing the narrative from his perspective. From his point of view, it's surprising how un-convicting his actions actually are against him. Read John 18:24-19:16 if you don't believe me. He's doing his job, and the people he's in charge of come to him with a weird request. They have no grounds, but these righteous men want a prominent "do-gooder" to be killed. They promise him he deserves death, but Pilate is not convinced. He genuinely asks Jesus if he is as powerful a man as everyone says he is, but Jesus just says his kingdom isn't of this world. Pilate doesn't understand Jesus's flowery words about listening to the truth, so he fires back what he sees as a profound statement and says, "what is truth?" but doesn't view Jesus as wrong. He tries again to release him. He knows this man is not guilty. He attempts to pass the killing off to the Jews, John 19:12 even says Pilate set his mind to setting Jesus free. They finally gave him no option and pulled the "we'll get you fired" card. Even then, Pilate washes his hands and doesn't take responsibility for something he knows is wrong. He had almost nothing to do with the killing of Jesus. 

In the end, Pilate had no hate in his heart for Jesus. Just apathy.

Let me follow that statement up with a quote:

"The world never burned a casual Christian at the stake" -John R. Rice.

So to unpack a little, was Pilate a bad guy? He obviously was not a Jesus follower, so I think it may be unfair to compare him to that quote. But did I learn a lot by combining those two thoughts? Absolutely. Pilate gives us a perfect example of the way the world works on us. Pilate, in his genuine eyes, could quite possibly have done the right thing. With no reference point, just silence when he asked Jesus who he was, and then ultimately washing his hands of the matter, he played his cards in the safest way possible. I can't honestly say I wouldn't do the same thing if I was in his shoes, not truly knowing who Jesus was.
And yet he had the power to stop the killing of the most perfect man to ever live. He was pressured into choosing sides, and I think we can agree that he chose 51% wrong.

I learn two lessons from this:

1. Playing it safe has nothing to do with defending Jesus.

2. I'm 51% not the good guy. 

Point 1: Playing it safe has nothing to do with defending Jesus

At this point, I think point 1 is straightforward. Using Pilate as our control example, the bad guy will most likely win if we don't care enough, even when we know what's right. 

Applying that to our defense of Jesus (I say defense because there is never a time when Satan isn't scheming), apathy is our enemy. In the words of Relient K, "...being apathetic is a pathetic way to be" (See that's so cool because "a pathetic" put together is "apathetic" and that's the kind of cleverness you get when you listen to such a great band).

Playing it safe, not being all in, being neutral, even standing up for what's right and backing down because you don't believe the cause is worth putting that much effort into, those are all forms of apathy. 

The best way to combat apathy is with being intentional. You are responsible for the words you say, what you stand for, and who you are when no one is looking. Dwelling on my motives has caused me to change many of my mundane actions, and the more I dwell on motives the more I change. It's literally life changing. 

Point 2: I'm 51% not the good guy

Jesus came to this earth to set us free from our sins. To do that, he had to defeat death. He had to defeat death because we can't. I can't. When I said "I'm the good guy" at the beginning of this post, I lied, hopefully obviously. My perspective may paint me as correct, but looking back over my life I've been wrong so many times when I thought I was right. Does that make sense? I hope it does. 

I wish we could have a follow-up story of Pilate. Did he ever realize what he did? He was respectful to Jesus's dead body, but did he ever see him alive after that? Was he able to look back to see the fault in choosing to care more about his immediate life than what he knew was right? No idea. 

There's no way to change what happened. But Jesus would have died for Pilate's other sins, anyway. Me, I'm no different from Pilate. I have no power over my past, ignorant self who has betrayed, cursed, and spat in Jesus's face. That proves that I'm not deserving of the kind of love he gives, and I never will be. 

And yet. And yet! We have it anyway. He chose to allow himself to die because he loved Pilate even more than Pilate loved mediocrity. 

And he loves you and me even more than we love apathy. 

What a restful hope we have in his arms.