sunsets through a microscope ~m

I’m obsessed with the sun going down, in case you haven’t gathered.

There's something about the change of color, the slow fade from the light to dark, that final goodbye to the day. The totally unnecessary explosion of color reminds me every time of how totally unnecessary it is for God to pour out grace. Necessary for our well-being, yes, but God has no need for our salvation. The color and majesty of it all just brings a physical representation of how he’s never too far away to the front of my mind, so I like to seek out a sunset whenever I can. Every now and then I’ll set aside an evening to go watch one. They’re better than a movie, seriously.

...Unless it’s overcast. Or there’s a storm.

Then my reminder of how close God is just seems to go away with the arrival of the dark barrier between me and that promise that he’s there, and that he’s making beautiful things just for me. Funny how quick that happens. Things are going good, we’re on track for a solid day and as long as we get what we feel we’re entitled to, but if that one thing falls through the day is ruined. For me, it doesn’t matter if the day was incredible, down to hitting every green light on the way to "my spot" to watch the sun sink down. If I miss that sunset because of some dumb clouds the day wasn’t worth it. Or at least that’s how it feels sometimes, ya know?


I think I can make this blog short and straightforward, because a really simple concept is on my mind right now. That concept is this:

The sunset still happens behind the clouds.

If I can't see a sunset, especially if it's been a long day, I'm bummed out because the sunset isn't happening to me. I'm in the dark, literally. But then if I sit down and zoom out, if I could hop on a plane and get above the clouds there for a minute, I'd suddenly be happy because I'd see that the beautiful colors are actually still there, just blocked.


Easy metaphor, huh?


Clouds/storms = dark times, hard life, stuff like that. Oversimplified? Probably. But I feel like this concept is still valid. We're in the middle of a painful time, a bad day, whatever, and people don't understand because they're not in the middle of the clouds. They say, "why can't you open your eyes and look at the beauty around you?"

But there are those clouds.

I think it's an important thing to acknowledge when that's our situation. How can we know where to go if we don't know where we are? That's one of my most constant battles, where I'll take a bad situation and make it worse by shrugging it off. Andy Mineo hit me hard when he said "...'Cause when you bury emotions, you bury them alive. They only come back stronger, somewhere later in your life..." So why not just address them instead of burying?

The flip side of the suckyness of being in the darkness is, when we're in the middle of muck, we have the assurance that a sunset is still happening. The best part is that we'll get to see another sunset. Soon. Have you thought about what clouds are? They're vapor. nothing more. you could run your hand through through them. Just because there's a lot of vapor doesn't make it any more solid, in the context of clouds. I guess rain could happen, hail at the worst, but my point is the clouds here. A bunch of water that isn't even heavy enough to be held down by gravity is getting in the way of us seeing the beauty in life. It's cool because God can whisp away the clouds or dry up the rain whenever we really think about his glory. Or, if we're too in the thick of it to grasp the magnitude, we have pictures we can look at to remind us... the Bible is full of them.

God's good, because he has way more than a sunset planned. Just to grace us with more than the combination of 7 billion people's imaginations could dream up. I'm pretty pumped for that, not gonna lie.

~mason

PS... If you recognize this post, it's because I recycled it from my solo blog because I have a ton of assignments this week. Happy finals szn! If you want some encouragement to get through this awful time at the end of the semester, click this link:

finals week

(I did a whole devo over that video, it's incredible. Hang in there!)

Confessions of a Hypochondriac - R

Fun fact about me: I'm a self-diagnosed hypochondriac. Whenever I have some little pain in my toenail or something, I start daydreaming about the doctor telling me that the test results came back, and I've tested positive for Incurable Toenail Disease Syndrome. I find this news unbearable, obviously, but I face it with a quiet, grim determination. Set on beating this thing, I eat healthy, exercise when I can, and brace myself for the treatments. My loving community, of course, rallies around me, organizing silent auctions to help pay my hospital bills, bringing food over for me, and clipping their toenails in solidarity with me as the ITDS slowly makes mine fall out. Eventually, though, ITDS gets the better of me, and I pass away peacefully, leaving behind only the memories that people pass around in their stories of me.

I know. I'm very brave.

It's not often that doctors and hypochondriacs agree, but they see pretty eye-to-eye on this one: pain serves a very important purpose in the body. Pain tells the body that something is wrong and we need to fix it before it gets worse. Pain helps us identify an issue, internal or external, when otherwise we wouldn't have a clue. And, ironically, it can be pain that saves a life when it's the only symptom we have.

Hypochondriacs know this just a little too well, so they will often do a kind of self-checkup. You can try it now if you like, many doctors actually recommend it. Close your eyes, focus on feeling the tip of your toes, and slowly work your way up your body, paying close attention to what might feel off or out of place. I just did it and found out that I'm still sore from a workout yesterday. Maybe I'll do some yoga after this.

I was talking with a friend this week (shoutouts to you, Austin Parsons), and he asked me about where I come up with topics for this blog, because as a writer he knows firsthand how difficult it can sometimes be to come up with ideas. A fair point. I hadn't given it too much thought since my ideas seemed to kind of come from all over. I mean, so far I've written about a children's book, getting in an argument with a sheet of notebook paper, and getting a timeout in the fourth grade. Not much rhyme or reason.

But I started to realize that this blog is beginning to serve a very important purpose for me. Once every two weeks, with this pretty arbitrary deadline of midnight on Thursdays that Mason and I have imposed on ourselves looming over my head, I am forced to do a spiritual self-checkup. I stop. I reflect. I identify the hurts in my life. I try to find what's causing me pain. Sometimes I have to dig pretty far. Sometimes pain is lurking in some pretty surprising corners of my life. Sometimes I have pain manifesting itself as other things.

Pain is a helpful thing because it serves as a signpost. It points you toward something that's wrong. Even spiritually. The problem comes in when we try to treat the symptom and not the cause. Without identifying the bigger issue, we're just stumbling in the dark, hoping we find a solution along the way. We do this a lot as Christians. We know that something is broken. We know that Jesus heals. Two and two make four. But I think that it's time for a little self-reflection. I think it's time we're honest with ourselves and ask hard questions. I'm sorry if you disagree, but I think that relying on Christian music or a single Bible verse to heal any hurt is about like doctors chunking a handful of Tylenol at you to fix a broken leg. It might help a little, or make you forget some of the pain, but you've still got something broken.

I firmly believe that God can heal any pain in our lives, but it can't hurt to have an idea of what exactly has gone wrong. Don't stop at, "I'm stressed, God please make me less stressed." Why are you stressed? The future? The workload? The relationship? The job? The lack of a job? What area of your life do you need to invite God into? What area of your life are you refusing to relinquish control of?

My challenge to you is one of the hardest I can give to people in this day and age: stop. Just stop for five minutes and reflect. Find out what's troubling you. Get to the roots. Be honest with yourself, and make yourself uncomfortable. Because, and I can't stress this enough:

God is ready to work wherever you need him.

"I have seen their ways, but I will heal them; I will guide them and restore comfort to Israel’s mourners, creating praise on their lips. Peace, peace, to those far and near,” says the Lord. “And I will heal them.” - Isaiah 57:18-19

~RJS~

construction notes for the encourager ~m

My Grandad never told me he loved me, that I can recall. I remember being panicked because I didn't get to intentionally tell him one last time before he passed away. But then, as I thought about it, an overwhelming calm rested on me when I realized that we had loved each other, deeply. And we both knew it, he more than I. He had proven it to me countless times in silent acts of service that I still have realizations about. I've never been loved in such a way as my Grandad loved me, yet he never said a word, he never had to prove it.

*I can't think of a good segway here so just pretend it's a gripping transition*

encouragers!

Gotta love 'em. Vital to my existence. Without them, I wouldn't know that people actually read what Riley and I have to say on this blog, and therefore I probably wouldn't put as much effort into writing as I do. So thanks, guys. Your words have a deeper impact than you may know.

Whenever I think up ideas for one of these things (blogs), I always just go with what's pressing on my heart the hardest and trust that God will work through people either relating to me or reading what I have to say and teaching me something new. This week the whole idea of encouragement has not let my mind rest.

yellow

Ever notice how on social media there is a TON of encouragement in the form of words, quotes, and happy pictures that make you have to turn your phone screen's brightness down? Those posts pick me up and send me some great reminders. So if you post those, please keep it up. You're not the hero we deserve, but the hero we need.

Something dawned on me recently, though. I think we can come to the agreement that Jesus was the most loving human to live, right (listen, I know your Aunt Bethel is great but hear me out please)?
I just went ahead and googled "encouragement from Jesus" because the only passage I could think of that met this specific criteria was "I said this so you'll have peace," and "take heart! I have overcome the world," both in next-door sentences in John 16. The results that came up on google confirmed my fear. That's all we've got as far as specific personal affirmation from Jesus goes (I could be wrong, this was just a quick skim. But as far as I know there are no specific subcategories of Bible websites entitled "encouragement from Jesus" so that's what I'm going off of).

What the heck, Jesus. Tell me I'm doing a good job at least once. I thrive on this stuff. C'mon, man.

what's encouragement? 

If you're a Christian (and/or just a good person), you've probably taken it upon yourself to encourage another person in one way or another. You've said "it's going to be okay! God's got you."
Noble, true, and good.
You've said, "I'll pray for you," or "I'm talking to God about you tonight."
Incredible.
Do y'all know how good it feels to have someone speak that kind of truth over you? It's awesome. A great high comes from being noticed, validated, and interceded for.

But I have a serious question for you personally, and I don't think I'm alone with my answer to this one:

How much have words of encouragement done for you, really?

For me, they've changed my mindset. Given my mental health a boost. Very good things.

But I can promise you this: there have been times where where those around you just...needed more. I say "needed" simply because their personal struggles would have been less difficult had they received the "more" I'm talking about. I've had times where it felt like I was struggling with holding a huge weight over my head and everyone crowded around me or watched from afar, yelling "good job! I'm praying for you!" These were personal burdens to bear, don't get me wrong. Nobody owed me anything, nor did I expect anything. And verbal support was so much better than being alone.


But Jesus said "take heart" once. 

the point, mason. get to the point. 

What did the most loving, radiant human to ever walk this earth do to keep his followers sane, encouraged, and believing in what he had to say? 

He did. He served. Jesus said "take heart" once, but he said "get up and walk, you're healed" countless times. 

We can't heal people, forgive their sins, or perform miracles. But I started a list of things we can do to embody Christ's example. Italicized because we can mirror him in this way, and that's important.

3 specific examples of what we can do to actually be more like Jesus:

1. Instead of praying for someone, pray with that someone.
2. Instead of telling someone you love them, show them you love them. Try not even saying the words.
3. Remind the mass of people that they're loved, but reach out and tell someone personally that they're specifically loved.

I'm not saying you aren't being effective with kind words, encouraging posts, and personal prayers for people. The title of this blog is "construction notes for the encourager." Construction. So we can build on what we have. If you've ever encouraged someone in that way, you keep this world turning. Keep it up. You're absolutely amazing. But don't check the box and be done. Build on that. Let's add some more sustenance to an already good thing.


Don't get caught saying "you're loved" and moving on. Be the one who loves.


~m

My Least Favorite Question - R

Does everybody remember Alex from Target? I hope we as a people always remember how we literally made someone famous overnight for working and being handsome all at the same time. The guy went on Ellen for crying out loud. Anyway, my one claim to fame is that for a little over a year, I worked at the exact same Target store that Alex from Target worked at. So, by extension, I was basically on Ellen.

For over a year, I scanned item after item, watching people spend thousands of dollars before my very eyes. I memorized the 4-digit code for almost every single piece of produce we sold (bananas are 4011 if you're wondering), I spent hours putting packages of candy in neat rows in the checkout lanes, I removed approximately 12 metric tons of hangers from purchased articles of clothing, and I twiddled my thumbs more than one man ever has.

But there was one thing that I did every day, repeatedly, that forever changed my life.

"How are you?"

I greeted almost every customer with this question for over a year. I actually did the math here, and my estimate is that I asked this question around 36,000 times in my time at Target. And I'm sure you can imagine what might happen to a question when you ask it that many times.

It comes to mean absolutely nothing.

And that isn't solely the fault of the frequency of times asked, it's also in the predictability of the answer. When I asked this question, I would consistently get one of three answers: "good," (usually accompanied by the dead eyes that told me they were not, in fact, good) "busy," or, my personal favorite, "tired" (usually accompanied by the dead eyes that told me they were, in fact, tired).

We live in such an interesting time. Never before has it been so easy to do . . . well, anything really. Practically every innovation relates somehow to speed, convenience, or efficiency. Items are marketed to us boasting about how much time they'll save us. Wireless Internet providers preach faster download speeds. Smartphones claim to be the one-stop shop for all things convenience related.

You'd think with all the time we save on tasks that used to take exponentially larger amounts of time, we'd have a little more wiggle room in our schedules to prevent us from constantly reporting that we're either busy or tired. With how fast we can complete assignments, we should have sporadic pockets of unclaimed free time ready for us to use however we please.

Reality tells a different story.

Anxiety rates are climbing. Suicide rates are climbing. We're getting less and less sleep. We've made an idol of productivity. Idle hours, in our modern thinking, should be spent doing something productive. And if by some miracle we have managed to finish all of our pressing work, we'll just grasp around until we find something else to work on. We've forgotten how to stop. We've forgotten how to rest. We've forgotten the beautiful art of doing absolutely nothing.

When the Israelites embarrass themselves by making the Golden Calf in Exodus 32, God is livid. And who can blame him? They literally just committed as a people to following his commandments so that they could be his people. And Moses leaves for ten seconds, they get scared, make an idol, then get into big trouble. It is in the aftermath of this situation that we get what is, to me, one of the most terrifying and profound exchanges between God and his people.

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Leave this place, you and the people you brought up out of Egypt, and go up to the land I promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, saying, ‘I will give it to your descendants.’ I will send an angel before you and drive out the Canaanites, Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. Go up to the land flowing with milk and honey. But I will not go with you, because you are a stiff-necked people and I might destroy you on the way.” - Exodus 33:1-3

This has the ring of someone completely giving up out of sheer frustration. The Israelites were understandably pretty freaked out. Luckily they had Moses to intercede.

Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’ If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.” The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?” And the Lord said to Moses, “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.” - Exodus 33:12-17

There's a lot of complex questions surrounding this passage that I very much do not want to try to tackle here. But there is something beautiful in its simplicity here that I think we miss a lot of the time. Israel is poised to enter the land that God promised to Abraham's descendants. They've been freed from the Egyptians with an incredible display of God's power in the ten plagues. God, to the Israelites at this time, is the God that fights the battles, the God of miracles, of power, of parting the Red Sea. So, when Moses is begging for God to stay with him and the Israelites, he's likely expecting his presence to be accompanied by power or victory or strength. As is usually the case.

Sometimes it's just as important to focus on what God doesn't say in the Bible. He doesn't say, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you power." He doesn't say "I will give you victory." He doesn't promise strength or dominance or wisdom.

"I will give you rest."

See, that's the thing about serving a God who brings strength and power and dominance. He fights all the battles that we can't. He brings the rain when we can't. He heals when we can't. He forgives when we can't forgive ourselves. And he gives us every reason to stop worrying when we won't. He meets every need we could possibly have.

When all has already been taken care of, all that's left to do . . . is rest.

God's fourth commandment to honor the Sabbath wasn't a mistake, and it certainly isn't out of date. We need it now more than ever. God specifically created us to be in a rhythm of work and rest, and we have become absolutely terrible at resting in any capacity. He gave us one day of the week to enjoy what he has created and to dwell in his presence. Now, of all times, is not when we should take that gift lightly.

I mentioned in my last post being terrified of the future. Still true, if you're wondering. But I have found through the practice of Sabbath this semester that it is much much harder to be anxious when rest is just as much of a priority in your life as work or school. Rest can look like many different things, including restored confidence in God's ability to work for the good. God's presence renews the heart. The intimacy that resting in him brings is like a complete recharge for the soul. Whatever your worry or concern, it's taken care of. Kick back. Rest. Abide.

To all you thinking that you can't take one day away from everything, I say you're wrong. Make rest a priority in the coming weeks. Find a way to step back from the hectic pace of life, and I promise you'll be blessed.

Let the words of Christ wash over you as you stop, breathe, and simply be present.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. - Matthew 11:28-30

And if that doesn't make you want to weep for joy, you're wrong.

~RJS~

the simple gospel ~m

"Mason, you don't think you deserve God's love," my friend Josh said, over an over-priced burger. "Your mindset is wrong, and I can see just by the way you're looking at me right now you know I'm right. You're believing the lies. I understand where you are, but what you need to realize is that you're not the freaking boss here. God is, and he loves you so freaking much. Just...trust him. Accept it by changing your mindset. You know what you need to believe you deserve. You don't understand that there is nothing on earth that can separate you from God's love, but you know it’s true. So act like it."

I felt like a 21-year-old 3rd grader learning about Jesus for the first time (a 21-year-old wanting to go into ministry, claiming to have worthwhile things to say to others through a Jesus-centered blog. I hope by now you can tell that I'm not trying to portray a perfect image, oops). This was basic stuff, yet my heart needed it so badly.

Josh knew his words were making an impact so he continued in his convicting, squeezing words. This is what I was craving, though. A medicinal hard truth that stung but slowly brought relief with it. This is the seed I've needed planted in my psyche. The cool drink of water. But why did I need so desperately to be refreshed?

"S"

Somewhere, somehow, I fell victim to the oldest trick in the book. I think it's so old because of how effective it is. Satan gets results when he uses the "S" tactic. The "S" tactic calls upon your childhood, and small things that happened to you that you thought you had forgotten. The "S" tactic calls upon a conversation you had last week with someone who said words that chipped a little piece off of your self-worth. The "S" tactic calls upon your recent memories. The ones you don't want anyone to see, the secret that's just between you and one other person...you and your phone's private browser...you and the bottle...you and...well, God, of course. God sees you. He sees who you are. He sees the level you've stooped to. He knows what you think. 

Panic time. Isolation time. Lament time. I'm sorry. 

Repeat. Throw in some horrible childhood memories again, don't forget how much value you put in the way someone interacts with you. The negative way they view you may be wrong, but they think it. So where did they get the thought from? Somewhere with a little truth? They must know I'm a mess, and they must be right.

Repeat.

Satan. Secret. Shame. "S."

The "S" tactic is almost never tangible. You can never see it and you can almost never define it for what it is, because it feels like a part of you. Me. It feels like a part of me.

wait

Here's the thing, though. I'm 21 years old. I've been a wholehearted Christian for 9 wholehearted years, and this is nothing new to me. I can and have identified the "S" in my own life, fixed my mindset, and moved on. But just the fact that something is fixed once doesn't mean it's fixed for good. Without maintenance anything can break down, and this is a dam that is hammered constantly in my life. I think the "S" is something we all struggle with, so I hope you're still reading.

gears

Obviously, I've let that slip. We all let it slip sometimes, but I'm ready to get back on board. The problem, though, is that I've been at this point before, perhaps without fully realizing it. I've seen what I'm capable of and therefore have tried to pick up where I feel I deserve to be. But it just doesn't seem to work that way. The shame slaps me in the face even though it has nothing to stand on. The best way to describe this situation is in a social media post I read a while ago, and has stuck with me ever since.

"The other day my dad taught me how to drive his big-o dump truck and he was pouring out wisdom without even knowing it. At one point he told me 'you can't just go from a dead stop to 10th gear' and yeah, duh, it's literally impossible. But then I started thinking about it spiritually. Why do we assume we can go straight from the darkest pit of sin and shame straight into His glorious light?? I'm not saying you can't. God is SO good and He will most definitely restore. It just may take some time - some painful gear changing and slow starts, but slowly you will notice your heart start to change as you allow Him to fix the broken pieces of yourself. But this change can never happen unless the clutch is all the way down. Just like Jesus can only change you as much as you allow. So for satan's lies there is a God who loves you and hurts with you and wants to help you out of that. So stop fighting Him. Let Him restore."        -@maddysun_shine_ on Instagram

I kind of feel like I could just end the blog there, honestly. Mic drop. But I want to dive a little deeper into the core of what's happening here.

the simple Gospel.

The same Josh that absolutely toasted me earlier for not being where I need to be with God shared a playlist with me. I waited a while to listen to it, but when I did the first chorus of the first song cut deeper into my heart than I was prepared to be cut. It's almost unbearably elementary:

"I will rejoice in the simple Gospel. I will rejoice in you, Lord"

The simple Gospel. The Gospel that's not difficult to understand, but exceedingly difficult for me to grasp: the creator of this universe saw me, my shortcomings, the times I've tried to do more good than bad and failed, and he knew I needed help. He contrived a plan to save me, to save you, and to save the people who don't even know this story. He sent Jesus, his son, to untie the horrible, fraying knots of our lives and secured us to God, while taking the fall for all of my shortcomings. He died because we were worth dying for.
The next song on the shuffled playlist was Pieces (Spontaneous), by Bethel music. Here's a snippet, listen to it if you want to get #wrecked:

"Your love is wild for me. It isn't shy, it's unashamed. Your love is proud to be seen with me."

God is proud of you in a way that no human ever could be. Are you crying? Because whenever I allow this to actually sink in tears well up in my eyes. God wants to be associated with you. God sees you. He sees your past. He is elated to hold you, like the best father cradling his only child. He's proud of your accomplishments because he sees who you are. He sees the shame, but most importantly he sees you behind the shame. He's proven his love for you over and over, and he'll pursue you into the depths of the pit, the mountain, wherever you go to run from him.

The hardest part of all of this is for me to believe this part: I deserve to be loved like that. Why? Because God says so. But the moment I catch a glimpse of understanding this truth I'm overwhelmed.

The further we stray from that truth, the more wiggle room Satan has to wreak havoc. So, I don't think I need to say any more. We may need to take small steps to get back to where we need to be. But we can't distance ourselves from the pure emotion that our God has to be associated with us.

That's what I needed to hear. Maybe you, too. It's what your friends need to hear.

So go tell them.

Get Comfy - R

I need to be fully honest with you. I'm terrified.

I will be graduating college in May. In one year, my life could be very different than it is today. I might be employed in a full-time job. I might be living in a different state. I might be writing the next great American novel. I might finally get around to pursuing a career in the yodeling industry. Who knows??

I don't do well with change. At all. I resist about as hard as I can. Most of my life is devoted to becoming as comfortable as possible. I absolutely love sitting with my feet up. I don't purchase clothes based on how they look but on how they feel. A soft blanket has potential to bring me to tears.

But there's even more than that. I need to structure my life around me to be as comfortable as possible. I have to find a way to carve out some routine, some normalcy, some kind of existence where everything makes sense and I can at least feel like I have some control over things. Eventually, of course, my life inevitably changes and I have to find a way to be comfortable in that new life, and I do. This happened when I moved, when I started high school, when I got my first job, when my sister left for college, and then when I left for college.

Somewhere between the time that I realize my life has changed for the better and the time when my life changes once more, I manage to forget that God made something beautiful out of the last change. I tend to have this subconscious assumption that whatever change that was most recent is the most miraculous work that God has ever done in my life and there's no way that he could ever top it. God's worked and now it's on me to make the most of the work that he's done.

Sounds stupid, I know, but this is one of those times where my stupidity is biblically based. For the Jewish people, the single most important event for them as a people of God was the Exodus. This was, to them, the best show of God's strength and commitment to his people. The problem is, they seemed to also assume that his power was sort of spent after the business with the ten plagues.

The whole Israelite community set out from Elim and came to the Desert of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after they had come out of Egypt. In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.” - Exodus 16:1-3

It's at this point that I want to say, "Are you kidding me?!" at this whole line of logic, but . . . I think I get it. I get where they're coming from. And I do the exact same thing. We have the benefit of hindsight when we read this story, we can see that obviously slavery is not a desirable way of life, and obviously the God that got them out of Egypt will also provide for them while they're out of Egypt.

But think for a second if you were one of them. Egypt is the only life they'd ever known. It was the land of their parents and their grandparents. Sure, it was a tough life, but it was the only life they knew. They were worked half to death, but they knew where their next meal was coming from. They were horribly mistreated, but at least they had a safe place to sleep at night. They were told to kill all their baby boys, but at least they still got to worship their God in relative peace. And when God said it was time to go, they followed. We see this as a great move of faith, and I truly think that it is, but what about right after? What about when they look around and realize they have to start completely over? What about when they realize they know absolutely nothing about what is about to happen to them?

They respond exactly how I would - with resistance, doubts, questions, and a healthy dose of complaining.

Can you imagine how frustrated God must have been with this? Think about his ultimate goal in taking the Israelites out of Egypt. He wanted to establish them as their own nation, a people set apart from the rest of the world, his chosen people. He wanted to be their ruler and he wanted them to remain his people. He would give them the Promised Land, he would give them authority over surrounding nations, and (most importantly) his presence would never leave them.

And they complained about being brought out of slavery.

More than that, God, through Jesus Christ, invited all people to be his holy and chosen nation and welcomed them into his kingdom that would one day bring about complete and utter renewal of the world that he created. He promised an eternal paradise with God and his people finally united with the intimacy that he envisioned in the Garden of Eden all those years ago.

And we complain when God tries to take us one step closer to that future.

When we go through these periods of impending change, when we wrestle with doubts about what the future holds, we tend to focus on the first half of the narrative: what God is calling us from. He's taking me out of a life that is safe and familiar and comfortable. He's forcing me to leave behind the existence I know and trade it for one that I don't. He's taking me on a death march through the wilderness when I was perfectly happy coasting through the world that I knew.

But what about the rest of the story? The desert wandering was just a chapter in the greater narrative of the people of God. What would happen if we started thinking about what God is calling us to? I believe that God has a destination in mind for us. I believe that God has something in store for us that is much better than the life we know or even the life that we could ever imagine. But we cling so tightly to the way of life that we're familiar with that we don't ever stop to think of what could be waiting ahead of us. He's dragging us along behind him, eyes fixed on the Promised Land ahead that he set aside just for us, while we pull as hard as we can back toward the paltry life he's just redeemed us from. We're doing ourselves a disservice. And we're very clearly not putting our faith in him.

So now I'm talking to you, fellow Americans. Because I know you're probably like me. Maybe you're not as bad with change as I am, but I'm almost positive you crave comfort just as much as I do. I want to encourage you. The road ahead isn't meant to be one that scares us. We, of all people, should be facing new opportunities with great joy and excitement. We serve the God who frees, the God who saves, the God who has a plan for his people, the God who makes all things new, the God who works all things for the good of those who love him. When God calls us out of our comfort, we have to know that something good is coming.

I want to leave with one more thought on this front. Jesus makes it perfectly clear that a life with him was never intended to be easy. In fact, he alludes to a lifetime of difficult work, people rejecting us, and the world hating us. We can't forget this part of Christianity when we invite Jesus into our lives. He frees, redeems, brings joy, and conquers, yes, but he also told us we've got work to do. Atang Agwe sums it up beautifully in her spoken word poem entitled "The Comfortable Christian:"

The Son of Man needs a permanent house, / Not a vacation home, / But it looks like you've made a home / Out of your comfort zone. 

Find some way to let go of your comfort in the coming weeks. And let's think about the Promised Land that might await us.

~RJS~

the bad guy's shoes ~m

I'm the good guy.

No doubt about it. How could I not be? I know what good is, and I know how to distinguish between good and evil. Oh, that guy doesn't want to be friends? He must not know how good I am. Oh, I don't want to be friends with that other guy? Well I have discernment, I know what's best. That guy Peter, while he was following Jesus on His ministry? Sheesh, what an idiot. Seriously, how could he doubt Jesus when he's standing right there? Just walk on the water, dude. Me? Yeah, I lost sight of God. But I promise you, you've never SEEN the busyness I'm dealing with right now. I was too busy to look at the sunset and soak in God's glory, I had too many emails to get to.

That guy Pontius Pilate? He literally gave Jesus over to be killed. There is no excuse for that. Sure, he resisted a little, but his wife had horrible dreams about what would happen if Pilate followed through with assisting in the murder of Jesus. She warned him. Pilate knew Jesus was too composed to be a criminal, he was humble yet with the posture and intelligence of a king. All the signs showed that this was unfair. No excuses, Pilate. I could never relate to that kind of betrayal.

Except that I can. 

The Good Guys vs. the Sociopaths

I subconsciously like to split Bible characters into these two categories: the Heroes and the Remorseless Criminals. Sure, the good guys can mess up, but they're ultimately not bad people. The criminals are less than human, they're weak, and they deserve what's coming to them. The Apostles never sinned after Jesus ascended, otherwise the story wouldn't work, right? This is a weird thought for me. As I'm typing I'm realizing that I've always unconsciously viewed the Apostles as somehow more than human and perfect. Am I alone in this? I mean, sure now that I've said it it sounds dumb. But it's crazy how the subconscious works sometimes. 

Back to the point. Pilate. 

I was sitting in church this past Sunday when the story of Jesus's last night before his death was read. Pilate's story caught my attention, and I found myself viewing the narrative from his perspective. From his point of view, it's surprising how un-convicting his actions actually are against him. Read John 18:24-19:16 if you don't believe me. He's doing his job, and the people he's in charge of come to him with a weird request. They have no grounds, but these righteous men want a prominent "do-gooder" to be killed. They promise him he deserves death, but Pilate is not convinced. He genuinely asks Jesus if he is as powerful a man as everyone says he is, but Jesus just says his kingdom isn't of this world. Pilate doesn't understand Jesus's flowery words about listening to the truth, so he fires back what he sees as a profound statement and says, "what is truth?" but doesn't view Jesus as wrong. He tries again to release him. He knows this man is not guilty. He attempts to pass the killing off to the Jews, John 19:12 even says Pilate set his mind to setting Jesus free. They finally gave him no option and pulled the "we'll get you fired" card. Even then, Pilate washes his hands and doesn't take responsibility for something he knows is wrong. He had almost nothing to do with the killing of Jesus. 

In the end, Pilate had no hate in his heart for Jesus. Just apathy.

Let me follow that statement up with a quote:

"The world never burned a casual Christian at the stake" -John R. Rice.

So to unpack a little, was Pilate a bad guy? He obviously was not a Jesus follower, so I think it may be unfair to compare him to that quote. But did I learn a lot by combining those two thoughts? Absolutely. Pilate gives us a perfect example of the way the world works on us. Pilate, in his genuine eyes, could quite possibly have done the right thing. With no reference point, just silence when he asked Jesus who he was, and then ultimately washing his hands of the matter, he played his cards in the safest way possible. I can't honestly say I wouldn't do the same thing if I was in his shoes, not truly knowing who Jesus was.
And yet he had the power to stop the killing of the most perfect man to ever live. He was pressured into choosing sides, and I think we can agree that he chose 51% wrong.

I learn two lessons from this:

1. Playing it safe has nothing to do with defending Jesus.

2. I'm 51% not the good guy. 

Point 1: Playing it safe has nothing to do with defending Jesus

At this point, I think point 1 is straightforward. Using Pilate as our control example, the bad guy will most likely win if we don't care enough, even when we know what's right. 

Applying that to our defense of Jesus (I say defense because there is never a time when Satan isn't scheming), apathy is our enemy. In the words of Relient K, "...being apathetic is a pathetic way to be" (See that's so cool because "a pathetic" put together is "apathetic" and that's the kind of cleverness you get when you listen to such a great band).

Playing it safe, not being all in, being neutral, even standing up for what's right and backing down because you don't believe the cause is worth putting that much effort into, those are all forms of apathy. 

The best way to combat apathy is with being intentional. You are responsible for the words you say, what you stand for, and who you are when no one is looking. Dwelling on my motives has caused me to change many of my mundane actions, and the more I dwell on motives the more I change. It's literally life changing. 

Point 2: I'm 51% not the good guy

Jesus came to this earth to set us free from our sins. To do that, he had to defeat death. He had to defeat death because we can't. I can't. When I said "I'm the good guy" at the beginning of this post, I lied, hopefully obviously. My perspective may paint me as correct, but looking back over my life I've been wrong so many times when I thought I was right. Does that make sense? I hope it does. 

I wish we could have a follow-up story of Pilate. Did he ever realize what he did? He was respectful to Jesus's dead body, but did he ever see him alive after that? Was he able to look back to see the fault in choosing to care more about his immediate life than what he knew was right? No idea. 

There's no way to change what happened. But Jesus would have died for Pilate's other sins, anyway. Me, I'm no different from Pilate. I have no power over my past, ignorant self who has betrayed, cursed, and spat in Jesus's face. That proves that I'm not deserving of the kind of love he gives, and I never will be. 

And yet. And yet! We have it anyway. He chose to allow himself to die because he loved Pilate even more than Pilate loved mediocrity. 

And he loves you and me even more than we love apathy. 

What a restful hope we have in his arms. 

We've Got Spirit, Yes We Do

Riley here. Because I last posted twice in a row and because I highly value diverse perspectives, I decided to take a break from talking loudly at the Internet. Hopefully this will not be the last time that a guest writer shares their thoughts with this blog, but for this week I want to extend special gratitude to Deryn Pieterse for her contribution. May her words bless and challenge you as they have myself.

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Have you ever received a gift and let it sit to gather dust in the back of your closet? I know I have. The gifts that end up there seem to be things that were given with pure intentions but because we know ourselves better than anyone else, we decide that we don’t really see the use for them. They are set aside to be forgotten.

I’m about to be uncomfortably honest - but for most of my life, next to the ill fitting clothing and books I’ve never read, sat a box in the top of my closet. That box is where I placed the Holy Spirit. “Woah now…you’re telling me, you attempted to place the Spirit of GOD... in a box… in your closet?” I know. I know. It sounds kinda stupid and completely misses the point, but that was reality for me.

As a young teen, I was baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I had waited some time to make this decision because I wanted to make it for myself. I wanted it to be separate from the fact that I had grown up in the church. After accepting all three that day, I expected things to finally make sense. I felt that it was fairly simple to understand and accept that God was my Father and Jesus Christ was my Savior… but what business did I have with the Spirit of God? I decided that of the three, the Spirit was the one I didn’t understand. I recognized that the Spirit had worked frequently and greatly in the Bible but had no use working in someone as average as me. I was not capable of leading a nation or parting a sea. I was just another girl. What I did understand about the Spirit is that it helped me to recognize my sin and turn from it. That was a step in the right direction but I didn’t allow it to be anything more.

I missed it y’all.

Let me ask, what does the Spirit of God mean to you? Take a minute and really think about how you would explain the Spirit to someone who had no knowledge of it. It’s not an easy task. The Holy Spirit is not an easy Bible class answer. I can assure you that the Spirit is working in ways that we do not have the capability of understanding. I do not claim to understand the gift I’ve been given but here are my humble offerings. Glimpses of understanding, experience, and what I’ve come to love:

1. The Spirit is not one of three; it is three of three.

In John 14, Jesus is speaking on the gift of the Holy Spirit: “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever -  the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.  I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.” (John 14:16-20) Where you find one, you will find evidence of all three.

2. The Spirit is our guide.

The Lord gave us His Spirit to walk alongside us. As mentioned in the verse above, the Holy Spirit was given to be an advocate, a fighter for you in times of weakness. Not only to be a presence but to be a guide. “Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.” Romans 8:5-8

3. The Spirit is patient.

Wow. The Lord has been patient with me. I have wandered for years. I have rejected His tugs on my heart for my own desires, again and again. We worship a steadfast God. I firmly believe that the Holy Spirit is persistent. If there is something that you are meant to encounter through the Spirit’s leading, you will encounter it. I have found the Spirit most clearly when I opened my eyes and ears to the way that things are playing out right in front of my path. Sometimes this illustrates itself through encountering the same topic, person, or opportunity a few times through the course of a week. When I was deciding what topic to write this post about, I saw a common theme of impact in my life. Recently, I felt that I couldn’t have a spiritual conversation or attend a sermon without hearing something about the nature of the Lord’s spirit. Yeah, I know, it’s a pretty common topic. It was different though. It was as if my ears had a heightened sense to the word. In my small group we had talked about the fruits of the spirit and read the verse in Galatians that says "Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." Maybe it was the band nerd coming out, but I couldn’t seem to shake the phrase. That week, I felt a heightened sense of conviction and prompting to go out of my way for others. So I decided to talk about what has most recently been on my heart. All of this to say - When I take time to step back and look outside of myself, to listen to the cries of those around me, to connect the patterns and repetitions - I find the Spirit.

4. The Spirit is FOR us.

I think back to why I (attempted to) put God’s Spirit in a box. Not only did I not understand His Spirit but I felt soooo unworthy. How could a God of absolute purity and holiness want to place His Spirit in me? If we go back to the story of Jesus dying on a cross, the message is clear. His death took away our sins so that we may live by grace. But what comes next? I love the imagery that follows as the Bible paints the moment Jesus gives up His spirit. “And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, He gave up His spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split and the tombs broke open.” The power of His sacrifice shook the earth and tore the veil. The significance of the veil is gripping stuff. The temple veil was a thick, massive curtain that surrounded the most holy place, the presence of God. This curtain was a protective barrier between the holiness of God and the sinful nature of man. Once a year, the High Priest was allowed into this space only after making himself ceremonially clean. Anyone else that tried to enter into the most holy space, would immediately die from the power of His presence. Y’ALL. THE VEIL WAS RIPPED IN TWO! Not only were our sins washed away that day but we were given the open invitation to be intimate with the holiest being. There is nothing that can separate us from God. “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

“As his parables murmured of a message deeper than harvest or homecomings, so his miracles murmured of a transformation deeper than the calming of the tempest or the healing of disease. They pointed to the most dumbfounding miracle of all: the display of his power to transform the human heart from stone to flesh. That our hearts could be made a dwelling place more suitable for the Spirit of the Lord than a tabernacle or a temple is miraculous on a scale we cannot fathom.” (None Like Him by Jen Wilkin)  

The Holy Spirit is the most precious gift that has ever been given to me. As simple as it seems, it took me years to see that my creator knew what was best for me. The reckless love of God chased me down and fought till I was found. He placed Himself in the midst of my being. He allowed me the highest honor, by creating Himself a place on the throne of my heart. His body was broken. The veil was torn. All so that we could come close. His power was made evident in His ability to transform our sinful hearts into His dwelling place. May we cling to His Spirit til the day we are able to be reunited with Him in the place being prepared for us. My prayer is that we will lean into His Spirit, pulling it to the forefront of our focus. May we see that we need to be nothing more than a willing vessel. That is all that He asks of us. All he asks is that we give up our lives to be used to lead nations and part seas. He has the power to carry those things out if we will only let Him! May we quiet our hearts in pursuit of what He is placing there.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Out of Hiding: https://youtu.be/XFkDqQtfs0w

-DNP-

(raw thoughts) "Raise your hand if... ~m

... your first reaction when you're sad would be to jump for joy."

That posed question is basically how I began a campfire devotional that I gave to a youth group last weekend. We were talking about "intentional perspectives," and how Paul in Philippians 4:4 says to "rejoice in the Lord always." My point in the devo was that there is absolutely no situation in which it would be a bad idea to praise God.

Ironic.

Real me as an encourager has been MIA in my blogs and social media posts for a while. He peeked through the void in my last blog (written a few weeks ago), but he's been hiding since before then. I try not to actually write about topics important to me unless it's something I'm genuinely feeling at the moment of writing, and that's why I haven't posted anything else in a hot minute. I'm thankful that Riley took over GraceYard two weeks in a row, but it's time for me to get back on board.

Right now I'm in the middle of one of the the biggest back-and-forth struggles I can remember in my life. Over the past month or so the last thing I've wanted to do is consistently praise God, if I'm honest. It feels like the power struggle to beat all power struggles in my life. I know I'm probably being dramatic, and I know I've dealt with worse and will deal with worse again. Still, this feels special for my consistent lack of clarity. It's been a season of lament, stagnation, and absolute frustration for no apparent reason. I could go into specifics that may affect my in-the-moment thought pattern, but honestly this semester has been way more good than bad. So no excuses there. This is a season that has just stumped me.

I'm not just pouring out my emotions as a form of public-recognition therapy, I promise. I have tried that plenty of times, and it just doesn't work very well. I'm intentionally hoping you read this and learn from my perspective and join me in zooming out, recognizing what's important.

So... what's important? Obviously not the distractions I've been focusing on. But what's new there? My life consistently has clung to the following 4-step cycle, maybe you can relate:
 1. Focus on God. 2. Get distracted. 3. Re-focus on God. 4. Repeat.
Simple yet excruciating.

Guys, I don't have an answer to this.

I've thought it would work itself out if I just let it sit. I think about it a lot. That cyclical perspective is the one I've been stuck on, and when I think about it in solitude or out loud to friends my stomach gets tight, my vision gets a weird kind of blurry and I want to stop typing or talking or thinking about it.

Another irony and faith test for me: today in my Christianity and Mental Health class (yes, that's a thing and I'm getting college credit for it. The class is awesome), we talked about the book of Job as a perfect story that was created for us as something to which we can relate. Sure, the entire idea of the book is that Job never cursed God when there were no answers for him, so after his patience God blessed him with more than he used to have. But you can read 3 chapters and skip to the last chapter and be done if that's what you want to get out of it. There are 38 other chapters of back and forth banter between trusted advisors, friends, and even his own wife steering Job wrong. Job never receives a word or truth from God until the very, very end. The first time I read it I was confused as to why Job was cursing what I thought was good advice from people who cared about him. "There has to be a reason behind this. What are you doing wrong? We'll help you fix yourself. Why won't you confess that you're an evil man? Why not at least sin now so you have a reason to die?" Yet Job was right for continuing to trust and "rejoice" in the Lord.
I think there's something to be said for that debate in between the "exciting stuff," and I think every word in the middle is just as important as the beginning and end. It goes on for SO LONG before anything actually happens. It's frustrating to even read.

 Our view gets caught in the beginning and end but we don't focus on the years in between conflict and resolution. Sure, it makes sense at the end but the reality is that the end may not be anywhere close.

That's a scary thought.

So here's a blog for that. I'm not at the beginning, and I'm not at the end. I'm in the thick of it and I can't pretend that I'm not. What am I in the thick of? Why am I uninspired? I have no idea.

But you'll catch me dead before you catch me thinking God has no idea what he's doing.

I asked Riley to cover the blog this week, I really did. I said "I'm in a weird place right now," and Riley said, in the kindest way possible, "write about that."

But I'm realizing this is important to talk about. And maybe I needed to be in this place for you, the one or two readers who will relate to me at the moment.

If that's you, please keep going, friend. I'm with you.

I invite you to join me in continually taking Philippians 4:4 up on that command to rejoice in the Lord always. Always is now, when nothing seems to make sense. Always was yesterday, and always is tomorrow. Always is when it's "impossible."

 Always.


~m

The Face of Evil (Alt. Title: I'm Insecure) - R

I'm posting for a second consecutive time. Mason is still alive, I promise, I just have something burning in my heart that I need to get out.

How many of us have ever heard of/typed themselves according to the Enneagram Test?

If you don't know, the Enneagram is an ancient typology method used to help people learn more about themselves and others. And some people stop listening when they get this far, because they think it's more Meyers-Briggs personality typing, but it actually delves into a much different part of the human psyche. The Enneagram is much less concerned with telling you who you are; it seeks to reveal to you why exactly you behave in the ways that you do. The Enneagram pinpoints the messages you hear that motivate you throughout your life and that cause you to see the world through a certain lens. Each category is assigned a number, One through Nine, and I have found that most people fit shockingly comfortably into one of these nine categories. (If you're interested, there are dozens of online tests that you can take, but the best way to learn more and eventually type yourself is to read through a book on the subject. I personally cannot recommend the book by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile highly enough. Read until you feel extremely uncomfortable with what the authors are saying, and chances are that's your number.)

You don't have to invest in the validity of the Enneagram, but I have found that it's an invaluable tool for understanding myself, and that's enough. I tell you all this to say that I'm a 3 on the Enneagram, which is nicknamed "The Achiever." 3's are, in the simplest terms, motivated by a desire to look good in everyone else's eyes. We are the people who are center stage, milking the spotlight, pushing ourselves to get the best grades, the best jobs, the best opportunities, make the most friends, and look the happiest to the rest of the world. A significant percentage of our behavior is dictated around other people. What will they like? What will make them like me? How can I be better or more impressive or more approachable or more attractive?

Are you exhausted yet? I know I am.

You might be surprised to learn that it's not always such a great plan to have your self worth depend on what other people think about you. With it comes a mountain of insecurities. Some days are better than others, but not a day goes by without these self-doubts rearing their ugly little heads. And for whatever reason, it felt as though my insecurity had spiked to an unhealthy degree this week.

And I decided I'm sick of it. I'm sick of not truly knowing my worth, I'm sick of feeling like I fall short, I'm sick of feeling like a sub-par Christian for not believing God's truth, and I'm sick of being so scared all the time. And I wanted to do something about it.

I think we Christians are great at giving direction without giving directions. To master fear, don't listen to the lies - trust in God's promises. To master worry, don't listen to the lies - give it all up to God. To master insecurity, don't listen to the lies - lean on God's truth. This all sounds great, and is exactly what I should be doing . . . but I have absolutely no clue where to start. How does one even do that?

So, forgive me, but I took a secular approach to combating my insecurity. I turned to the Google for answers. And I came upon this interesting article which talks about something called Voice Therapy. Voice Therapy is a way for people to identify and adjust negative thought patterns. The key tenant is a simple one: shift all negativity from the first person to the second person as if another person were addressing you ("You're so stupid," instead of "I'm so stupid."). This way, we can start to see the vicious attacks taking place in our own minds as coming from an external enemy instead of being our actual point of view.

This part caught my attention. It appears that some spirituality has trickled into my secular searching. It struck a familiar chord:

Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. - Romans 6:16-18

I was intrigued by being told to visualize an external enemy because isn't that exactly what New Testament writers tell us is happening around us? When we read in the New Testament (particularly Paul's letters) about sin, writers almost never mean a behavior, or a violation of one of the 613 laws in the Torah. When Paul uses the word sin, he's talking about Sin. With a capital S. For Paul, Sin is something other than our mistakes. Sin is a power of darkness that is at play in the world around us. Sin is our most evil enemy, actively seeking to destroy us. So those ugly untruths that worm their way into our heads? I believe those really are from outside ourselves - the product of Sin attempting to separate us from the truth we know is in God.

With this in mind, I knew I had to try to visualize what the article suggested. I had to try to view all negative thoughts I had as coming from elsewhere. So, I did what any rational Bible major would do: I drew an evil caricature in my notebook.

I don't know why, but I think this about perfectly sums up how I view Sin. He's smug, confident, arrogant, capable, and shifty. And his mouth is open real wide. because he's got a lot to say to you. So this is my enemy. I gave him a face to match the voice, now time to see what all he's saying.

I decided to write out all the negative thoughts about myself I'd had just that day. I tried to listen beyond the general nagging feelings, and actually put to words exactly what my insecurities were. Not an easy task, but it turned out it wasn't a time-consuming one either. After what seemed like no time at all, I came up with sixteen sentences that had gone through my head and caused me pain at some point that day. It was 10:30 in the morning.

So now this jerk's made it personal, and he's gonna pay. I still haven't gotten over my urge to throw him into a fire. Unrelated note: making s'mores this weekend if anyone wants to join.

Actually as I was writing this, I kept coming back to the same thought: This is stupid. What kind of 'enemy' is this? It's literally just a few black lines on a piece of paper. It was hard for me to get too riled up over these fictitious assaults. Really, how terrifying could an enemy be when he's two dimensional?

Some of you may see where I'm going with this. Because my next thought, which I'm convinced was sent by God with the exasperated tone of a parent who has tried a million times to get their child to understand, was:

That's the point!

Of course it's not intimidating! Of course it's not a real enemy! That's the whole point of Jesus coming to us and dying on the cross. His sacrifice meant that Sin would have absolutely no power over us. Under Christ, Sin has no more hold over us than a few pencil marks on a sheet of notebook paper. We're struggling, fighting for our lives against a shadow, a spook, an apparition, a puff of smoke under a sheet with eye holes.

And for whatever reason, we struggle to keep this in mind. It's difficult because the voice that we hear is without a face, yes, but it's also difficult because that voice that tells us we aren't good enough can sound dangerously close to our own voice. This is what makes Sin such a nuisance in our lives: if we hear these lies in a foreign voice, it becomes an argument. If we hear these lies in our voice, it becomes our reality.

But what Sin doesn't want us to know is that it only has as much authority in our lives as we give it. Sin is nothing and it knows it. It's circling the drain and is determined to take as many people as possible with it. It's an angry housefly with 24 hours to live, determined to spend every last one of them annoying you. It's an amateur chess player who knows it's been beaten so it flips the board. This thing we call spiritual warfare is more like a loser's temper tantrum. For it to be war, there would have to be some kind of competition, but all that's over and done. You ever read Revelation? It's not about a war, it's about a complete shutout. God's team wins, and it wasn't even close.

I won't pretend like I have this thing completely solved. Obviously insecurities don't go away in the course of one week, especially for someone like me who is so externally focused. But what an amazing exercise! Once they were out on paper, personified with a ridiculous cartoon face, I could see how absurd each of those poisonous thoughts really were. And isn't that what a life of Christ is all about? When we closely follow the living embodiment of truth, we are able to see everything in the world for what it truly is, for better or worse.

I'm not going to include a call to action on this one. I can't tell you what you should or shouldn't do; I offer only my experience here. But I will tell you that this all started with a decision. I decided that I was absolutely fed up with being told who I am by someone or something that doesn't have a clue. And I'd imagine that you probably are too.

I was trying to win the battle against my insecurities, but I don't have to do that. That fight was won for me long ago. All that's left to do is remember that the one who broke the power of sin and shame is the same one who calls me beloved.

“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. - 1 Corinthians 15:55-57

~RJS~

Speaking in Tongues - R

Just kidding. Today I want to speak about tongues. Specifically, I want to share a few thoughts on what I consider to be one of the more difficult teachings in our Bible.

I remember once in fourth grade, we had a very long lesson about weather and climate, and the teacher had clearly worked very hard at giving us practical tactile ways to show exactly how weather works. So we had multiple interactive activities, ending with a heat lamp over a bucket of sand and a bucket of water to show that the sun heats up land much faster than it heats up the ocean. Cute, right? Well, come test time, I was apparently the only person to get that question wrong. I said that the sun heats up the ocean faster. The teacher confronted me about it. She did not understand how after that entire lesson, I still didn't grasp the concept. I, of course, stood up for myself. If you wanted me to know that, Mrs. Patton, you should've just told me that.

I did not get recess that day.

Have you noticed that we talk all the time and still somehow manage to say very little? We've managed to create a sort of cultural expectation for words to fill whatever space that we're in while completely disregarding what purpose those words serve. Between us habitually asking each other, "How are you?" without caring in the slightest about the answer, gorging our minds on bite-sized chunks of information on Facebook or Twitter, or even whipping out our phones looking for something to distract us from imminent discomfort.

Along this line of thought, we have also become completely and utterly terrified of silence. Think about it, pretty much the only time we use the word silence in casual conversation, it is either preceded by the word 'awkward' or followed by 'of the lambs.' Our desire is for our words to completely fill a space or time, much like packing peanuts fill a large box. They have almost no weight, but they keep our days comfortable enough for us to survive and do it all again the next day.

And I think that in some ways, we actually defend this phenomenon as being part of a good Christian act. It is perfectly polite to engage my brother or sister in conversation. This is showing love. Or, at the very least, this is showing a basic kindness while I search for a way to show them love.

I want to argue (one of my favorite ways to use words) that we're just missing the mark when it comes to our speech. And no, the irony of me saying this in a long, drawn out blog post is not lost on me, but the rule is whoever identifies the problem gets to act like it doesn't affect them. So let's dive in.

Consider ships: They are so large that strong winds are needed to drive them. But pilots direct their ships wherever they want with a little rudder. In the same way, even though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts wildly. 

Think about this: A small flame can set a whole forest on fire. The tongue is a small flame of fire, a world of evil at work in us. It contaminates our entire lives. Because of it, the circle of life is set on fire. The tongue itself is set on fire by the flames of hell. 

People can tame and already have tamed every kind of animal, bird, reptile, and fish. No one can tame the tongue, though. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we both bless the Lord and Father and curse human beings made in God’s likeness. Blessing and cursing come from the same mouth. My brothers and sisters, it just shouldn’t be this way! 

Both fresh water and salt water don’t come from the same spring, do they? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree produce olives? Can a grapevine produce figs? Of course not, and fresh water doesn’t flow from a saltwater spring either. - James 3:4-12 (CEB)

Raise your hands if this makes you uncomfortable. Go ahead.

When thinking about one of the most important body parts of us living as Christians, I would not arrive at the tongue very quickly. I might start with the heart, soul, mind, and strength. But tongue? As someone who talks all the time, that scares me quite a bit.

There's one part of this passage that really caught my attention, though, and it's really easy to miss. James says that with our tongues we bless and curse. He then goes on to say that a saltwater cannot produce freshwater, and vice versa. I won't lie but it took me a couple readings to really grasp the implication there.

Your mouth is either one of blessing or one of cursing - not both.

For James, there's no grey area. Which means that if ours is a mouth that curses, it's completely impossible for any true blessing to come from it. Anything positive or uplifting that might come out of our mouths is completely negated by speech that insults, belittles, or tears down. In the Facebook era, then, the odds are not on our side.

So let me ask a question: is your mouth one of blessing or one of curses?

Or, to take it in a slightly different direction, how much of your speech is devoted to spreading the love of God?

Can you imagine if the only things we said were things that brought glory to God? I won't lie to you, I would not be speaking very frequently at the rate I'm headed. The vast majority of words out of my mouth have, at some point, appeared on daytime television. And while I don't think that goofy TV quotes necessarily fall into the "cursing" category, how much of that really serves the Kingdom of God?

Here's what I'm trying to get at. I'm not saying that to be a good Christian, you have to attempt to loudly preach a ground-breaking sermon everywhere you go. Trust me, I've tried, and now I'm not allowed to go back to Cinemark theaters. But I think we do need to be a little more careful with what we're putting out into the world. We do need to start evaluating our speech based on this litmus test, and we need to be extremely careful about how we're representing our God. Because if we are wearing the title of Christian, our speech needs to reflect that.

As always, I promise, I'm preaching more to myself than any of you. I fail miserably at this. Daily. But I've decided that I want my mouth to be one that produces blessing. And that takes discipline and consistency.

In the last week, I've prayed for the Spirit to enter my heart, Christ to be the focus of my mind, and for God to grant me strength. I hope you'll join me in asking that my tongue be transformed next.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. - Ephesians 4:29

~RJS~

What to do when there’s no inspiration?

It’s been kind of a rough week for me mentally, if you couldn’t draw that conclusion from the title. This may be a short blog, oops. They’ll get better, I promise. 

I think this is an important topic to talk about because there are days when even though we don’t want it to, the world keeps spinning. Sometimes that happens when we’re working on a fun thing, like when we have something that we’ve chosen to do not because it’s easy or even productive toward everyday life, but because we feel pulled, called to do, and yet it sits there not getting done (for the sake of metaphor, let’s say a blog. Definitely not something I’ve ever dealt with…).

And there are other, more vital things like providing for a family and/or doing a job and doing it well as we’re called to do that just feel impossible. I hope I’m not alone in saying that with most areas of my life I’ve stubbornly sat down and asked “is it even worth it? How does the benefit of doing this thing compare to the benefits of not doing this thing?” There are many, many times I’ve been frustrated to the point of not wanting to push any further.

My question is this: what do pastors do when they’re exhausted, and the idea of getting up in front of hundreds of people and passionately teaching the Word feels impossible? The reason I jumped to ministry is because if you profess Christ, you’re a pastor, right? Guys and girls alike, if we’ve publicly committed to Jesus we’re teaching others in some aspect, be it getting up and talking in front of people or just living life. No particular order there. Don’t read too deep into that because neither one is more important than the other. But there are other examples we could use, like what does a blog writer do when homework and just life in general is taking all his effort, and he has some time but not the energy to do what he really wants to do? How do we go on being examples when it’s hard to stay focused because of everything that’s going on?

Well, I think a fair baseline to draw is that a certain amount of self-denial is going to have to happen for anything to get done. But unmotivated workers don’t usually put forth their highest quality work. So how does the passionate speaker do it again and again? How does the servant of God consistently show the good of Jesus?

To answer this, I asked a few ministers in my life for their lack-of-inspiration escape plans. Something surprised me that probably shouldn’t have: every single one of the ministers I talked to brought the topic full circle back to God. Specifically, individual verses in the Bible. Each one. Good ministers, huh. One of those good ministers, Evan Burkett, said this:

“whenever I feel disconnected, the reason normally is that I’m spending all my time in books other than the Bible.”

Oof, amiright? Convictions for me. That means school books, books about “how to be a better Christian,” and it includes everything in between.

This brings me to my short main point, which is super simple:

God doesn’t check out when we do.

Genesis 35:3: “let us go to Bethel, where I will build an altar to God, who answered me in the day of my distress and who has been with me wherever I have gone”

 If our bodies quit, God doesn’t. Fortunately, when we come back after a hiatus of failure, God is still there. And he didn’t leave when we leave.

I find so much peace in that.

And so, when God seems like a difficult subject to communicate, I promise you he’s still there. I’m not saying you’re wrong for acknowledging that it’s difficult, because you’re not. I’m not saying there aren’t obstacles, because there are. But it doesn’t mean God isn’t there. Loving you, cheering you on. That’s cool.

I’ll leave you with what Tom, another good minister who spoke into my life, uses as his strategy when “uninspiration” creeps at his door. Read this from the perspective of a person who has the choice between running toward God and sitting and accepting the barriers that have been placed between you and him. I could go off about this, but I encourage you to draw your own conclusions. Read it slow. It hit me hard.

Philippians 2:1-8

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Sprit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others as more important than yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death – even death on a cross!

I challenge you to challenge yourself with that verse. I'm intimidated by it, to be honest. Applying this to lack of inspiration? It's tough. And convicting. But man, I'm thankful for a God that promises to never leave, even if I never figure it out.

~m