Confessions of a Hypochondriac - R

Fun fact about me: I'm a self-diagnosed hypochondriac. Whenever I have some little pain in my toenail or something, I start daydreaming about the doctor telling me that the test results came back, and I've tested positive for Incurable Toenail Disease Syndrome. I find this news unbearable, obviously, but I face it with a quiet, grim determination. Set on beating this thing, I eat healthy, exercise when I can, and brace myself for the treatments. My loving community, of course, rallies around me, organizing silent auctions to help pay my hospital bills, bringing food over for me, and clipping their toenails in solidarity with me as the ITDS slowly makes mine fall out. Eventually, though, ITDS gets the better of me, and I pass away peacefully, leaving behind only the memories that people pass around in their stories of me.

I know. I'm very brave.

It's not often that doctors and hypochondriacs agree, but they see pretty eye-to-eye on this one: pain serves a very important purpose in the body. Pain tells the body that something is wrong and we need to fix it before it gets worse. Pain helps us identify an issue, internal or external, when otherwise we wouldn't have a clue. And, ironically, it can be pain that saves a life when it's the only symptom we have.

Hypochondriacs know this just a little too well, so they will often do a kind of self-checkup. You can try it now if you like, many doctors actually recommend it. Close your eyes, focus on feeling the tip of your toes, and slowly work your way up your body, paying close attention to what might feel off or out of place. I just did it and found out that I'm still sore from a workout yesterday. Maybe I'll do some yoga after this.

I was talking with a friend this week (shoutouts to you, Austin Parsons), and he asked me about where I come up with topics for this blog, because as a writer he knows firsthand how difficult it can sometimes be to come up with ideas. A fair point. I hadn't given it too much thought since my ideas seemed to kind of come from all over. I mean, so far I've written about a children's book, getting in an argument with a sheet of notebook paper, and getting a timeout in the fourth grade. Not much rhyme or reason.

But I started to realize that this blog is beginning to serve a very important purpose for me. Once every two weeks, with this pretty arbitrary deadline of midnight on Thursdays that Mason and I have imposed on ourselves looming over my head, I am forced to do a spiritual self-checkup. I stop. I reflect. I identify the hurts in my life. I try to find what's causing me pain. Sometimes I have to dig pretty far. Sometimes pain is lurking in some pretty surprising corners of my life. Sometimes I have pain manifesting itself as other things.

Pain is a helpful thing because it serves as a signpost. It points you toward something that's wrong. Even spiritually. The problem comes in when we try to treat the symptom and not the cause. Without identifying the bigger issue, we're just stumbling in the dark, hoping we find a solution along the way. We do this a lot as Christians. We know that something is broken. We know that Jesus heals. Two and two make four. But I think that it's time for a little self-reflection. I think it's time we're honest with ourselves and ask hard questions. I'm sorry if you disagree, but I think that relying on Christian music or a single Bible verse to heal any hurt is about like doctors chunking a handful of Tylenol at you to fix a broken leg. It might help a little, or make you forget some of the pain, but you've still got something broken.

I firmly believe that God can heal any pain in our lives, but it can't hurt to have an idea of what exactly has gone wrong. Don't stop at, "I'm stressed, God please make me less stressed." Why are you stressed? The future? The workload? The relationship? The job? The lack of a job? What area of your life do you need to invite God into? What area of your life are you refusing to relinquish control of?

My challenge to you is one of the hardest I can give to people in this day and age: stop. Just stop for five minutes and reflect. Find out what's troubling you. Get to the roots. Be honest with yourself, and make yourself uncomfortable. Because, and I can't stress this enough:

God is ready to work wherever you need him.

"I have seen their ways, but I will heal them; I will guide them and restore comfort to Israel’s mourners, creating praise on their lips. Peace, peace, to those far and near,” says the Lord. “And I will heal them.” - Isaiah 57:18-19

~RJS~