the simple gospel ~m

"Mason, you don't think you deserve God's love," my friend Josh said, over an over-priced burger. "Your mindset is wrong, and I can see just by the way you're looking at me right now you know I'm right. You're believing the lies. I understand where you are, but what you need to realize is that you're not the freaking boss here. God is, and he loves you so freaking much. Just...trust him. Accept it by changing your mindset. You know what you need to believe you deserve. You don't understand that there is nothing on earth that can separate you from God's love, but you know it’s true. So act like it."

I felt like a 21-year-old 3rd grader learning about Jesus for the first time (a 21-year-old wanting to go into ministry, claiming to have worthwhile things to say to others through a Jesus-centered blog. I hope by now you can tell that I'm not trying to portray a perfect image, oops). This was basic stuff, yet my heart needed it so badly.

Josh knew his words were making an impact so he continued in his convicting, squeezing words. This is what I was craving, though. A medicinal hard truth that stung but slowly brought relief with it. This is the seed I've needed planted in my psyche. The cool drink of water. But why did I need so desperately to be refreshed?

"S"

Somewhere, somehow, I fell victim to the oldest trick in the book. I think it's so old because of how effective it is. Satan gets results when he uses the "S" tactic. The "S" tactic calls upon your childhood, and small things that happened to you that you thought you had forgotten. The "S" tactic calls upon a conversation you had last week with someone who said words that chipped a little piece off of your self-worth. The "S" tactic calls upon your recent memories. The ones you don't want anyone to see, the secret that's just between you and one other person...you and your phone's private browser...you and the bottle...you and...well, God, of course. God sees you. He sees who you are. He sees the level you've stooped to. He knows what you think. 

Panic time. Isolation time. Lament time. I'm sorry. 

Repeat. Throw in some horrible childhood memories again, don't forget how much value you put in the way someone interacts with you. The negative way they view you may be wrong, but they think it. So where did they get the thought from? Somewhere with a little truth? They must know I'm a mess, and they must be right.

Repeat.

Satan. Secret. Shame. "S."

The "S" tactic is almost never tangible. You can never see it and you can almost never define it for what it is, because it feels like a part of you. Me. It feels like a part of me.

wait

Here's the thing, though. I'm 21 years old. I've been a wholehearted Christian for 9 wholehearted years, and this is nothing new to me. I can and have identified the "S" in my own life, fixed my mindset, and moved on. But just the fact that something is fixed once doesn't mean it's fixed for good. Without maintenance anything can break down, and this is a dam that is hammered constantly in my life. I think the "S" is something we all struggle with, so I hope you're still reading.

gears

Obviously, I've let that slip. We all let it slip sometimes, but I'm ready to get back on board. The problem, though, is that I've been at this point before, perhaps without fully realizing it. I've seen what I'm capable of and therefore have tried to pick up where I feel I deserve to be. But it just doesn't seem to work that way. The shame slaps me in the face even though it has nothing to stand on. The best way to describe this situation is in a social media post I read a while ago, and has stuck with me ever since.

"The other day my dad taught me how to drive his big-o dump truck and he was pouring out wisdom without even knowing it. At one point he told me 'you can't just go from a dead stop to 10th gear' and yeah, duh, it's literally impossible. But then I started thinking about it spiritually. Why do we assume we can go straight from the darkest pit of sin and shame straight into His glorious light?? I'm not saying you can't. God is SO good and He will most definitely restore. It just may take some time - some painful gear changing and slow starts, but slowly you will notice your heart start to change as you allow Him to fix the broken pieces of yourself. But this change can never happen unless the clutch is all the way down. Just like Jesus can only change you as much as you allow. So for satan's lies there is a God who loves you and hurts with you and wants to help you out of that. So stop fighting Him. Let Him restore."        -@maddysun_shine_ on Instagram

I kind of feel like I could just end the blog there, honestly. Mic drop. But I want to dive a little deeper into the core of what's happening here.

the simple Gospel.

The same Josh that absolutely toasted me earlier for not being where I need to be with God shared a playlist with me. I waited a while to listen to it, but when I did the first chorus of the first song cut deeper into my heart than I was prepared to be cut. It's almost unbearably elementary:

"I will rejoice in the simple Gospel. I will rejoice in you, Lord"

The simple Gospel. The Gospel that's not difficult to understand, but exceedingly difficult for me to grasp: the creator of this universe saw me, my shortcomings, the times I've tried to do more good than bad and failed, and he knew I needed help. He contrived a plan to save me, to save you, and to save the people who don't even know this story. He sent Jesus, his son, to untie the horrible, fraying knots of our lives and secured us to God, while taking the fall for all of my shortcomings. He died because we were worth dying for.
The next song on the shuffled playlist was Pieces (Spontaneous), by Bethel music. Here's a snippet, listen to it if you want to get #wrecked:

"Your love is wild for me. It isn't shy, it's unashamed. Your love is proud to be seen with me."

God is proud of you in a way that no human ever could be. Are you crying? Because whenever I allow this to actually sink in tears well up in my eyes. God wants to be associated with you. God sees you. He sees your past. He is elated to hold you, like the best father cradling his only child. He's proud of your accomplishments because he sees who you are. He sees the shame, but most importantly he sees you behind the shame. He's proven his love for you over and over, and he'll pursue you into the depths of the pit, the mountain, wherever you go to run from him.

The hardest part of all of this is for me to believe this part: I deserve to be loved like that. Why? Because God says so. But the moment I catch a glimpse of understanding this truth I'm overwhelmed.

The further we stray from that truth, the more wiggle room Satan has to wreak havoc. So, I don't think I need to say any more. We may need to take small steps to get back to where we need to be. But we can't distance ourselves from the pure emotion that our God has to be associated with us.

That's what I needed to hear. Maybe you, too. It's what your friends need to hear.

So go tell them.