... your first reaction when you're sad would be to jump for joy."
That posed question is basically how I began a campfire devotional that I gave to a youth group last weekend. We were talking about "intentional perspectives," and how Paul in Philippians 4:4 says to "rejoice in the Lord always." My point in the devo was that there is absolutely no situation in which it would be a bad idea to praise God.
Ironic.
Real me as an encourager has been MIA in my blogs and social media posts for a while. He peeked through the void in my last blog (written a few weeks ago), but he's been hiding since before then. I try not to actually write about topics important to me unless it's something I'm genuinely feeling at the moment of writing, and that's why I haven't posted anything else in a hot minute. I'm thankful that Riley took over GraceYard two weeks in a row, but it's time for me to get back on board.
Right now I'm in the middle of one of the the biggest back-and-forth struggles I can remember in my life. Over the past month or so the last thing I've wanted to do is consistently praise God, if I'm honest. It feels like the power struggle to beat all power struggles in my life. I know I'm probably being dramatic, and I know I've dealt with worse and will deal with worse again. Still, this feels special for my consistent lack of clarity. It's been a season of lament, stagnation, and absolute frustration for no apparent reason. I could go into specifics that may affect my in-the-moment thought pattern, but honestly this semester has been way more good than bad. So no excuses there. This is a season that has just stumped me.
I'm not just pouring out my emotions as a form of public-recognition therapy, I promise. I have tried that plenty of times, and it just doesn't work very well. I'm intentionally hoping you read this and learn from my perspective and join me in zooming out, recognizing what's important.
So... what's important? Obviously not the distractions I've been focusing on. But what's new there? My life consistently has clung to the following 4-step cycle, maybe you can relate:
1. Focus on God. 2. Get distracted. 3. Re-focus on God. 4. Repeat.
Simple yet excruciating.
Guys, I don't have an answer to this.
I've thought it would work itself out if I just let it sit. I think about it a lot. That cyclical perspective is the one I've been stuck on, and when I think about it in solitude or out loud to friends my stomach gets tight, my vision gets a weird kind of blurry and I want to stop typing or talking or thinking about it.
Another irony and faith test for me: today in my Christianity and Mental Health class (yes, that's a thing and I'm getting college credit for it. The class is awesome), we talked about the book of Job as a perfect story that was created for us as something to which we can relate. Sure, the entire idea of the book is that Job never cursed God when there were no answers for him, so after his patience God blessed him with more than he used to have. But you can read 3 chapters and skip to the last chapter and be done if that's what you want to get out of it. There are 38 other chapters of back and forth banter between trusted advisors, friends, and even his own wife steering Job wrong. Job never receives a word or truth from God until the very, very end. The first time I read it I was confused as to why Job was cursing what I thought was good advice from people who cared about him. "There has to be a reason behind this. What are you doing wrong? We'll help you fix yourself. Why won't you confess that you're an evil man? Why not at least sin now so you have a reason to die?" Yet Job was right for continuing to trust and "rejoice" in the Lord.
I think there's something to be said for that debate in between the "exciting stuff," and I think every word in the middle is just as important as the beginning and end. It goes on for SO LONG before anything actually happens. It's frustrating to even read.
Our view gets caught in the beginning and end but we don't focus on the years in between conflict and resolution. Sure, it makes sense at the end but the reality is that the end may not be anywhere close.
That's a scary thought.
So here's a blog for that. I'm not at the beginning, and I'm not at the end. I'm in the thick of it and I can't pretend that I'm not. What am I in the thick of? Why am I uninspired? I have no idea.
But you'll catch me dead before you catch me thinking God has no idea what he's doing.
I asked Riley to cover the blog this week, I really did. I said "I'm in a weird place right now," and Riley said, in the kindest way possible, "write about that."
But I'm realizing this is important to talk about. And maybe I needed to be in this place for you, the one or two readers who will relate to me at the moment.
If that's you, please keep going, friend. I'm with you.
I invite you to join me in continually taking Philippians 4:4 up on that command to rejoice in the Lord always. Always is now, when nothing seems to make sense. Always was yesterday, and always is tomorrow. Always is when it's "impossible."
Always.
~m
Ironic.
Real me as an encourager has been MIA in my blogs and social media posts for a while. He peeked through the void in my last blog (written a few weeks ago), but he's been hiding since before then. I try not to actually write about topics important to me unless it's something I'm genuinely feeling at the moment of writing, and that's why I haven't posted anything else in a hot minute. I'm thankful that Riley took over GraceYard two weeks in a row, but it's time for me to get back on board.
Right now I'm in the middle of one of the the biggest back-and-forth struggles I can remember in my life. Over the past month or so the last thing I've wanted to do is consistently praise God, if I'm honest. It feels like the power struggle to beat all power struggles in my life. I know I'm probably being dramatic, and I know I've dealt with worse and will deal with worse again. Still, this feels special for my consistent lack of clarity. It's been a season of lament, stagnation, and absolute frustration for no apparent reason. I could go into specifics that may affect my in-the-moment thought pattern, but honestly this semester has been way more good than bad. So no excuses there. This is a season that has just stumped me.
I'm not just pouring out my emotions as a form of public-recognition therapy, I promise. I have tried that plenty of times, and it just doesn't work very well. I'm intentionally hoping you read this and learn from my perspective and join me in zooming out, recognizing what's important.
So... what's important? Obviously not the distractions I've been focusing on. But what's new there? My life consistently has clung to the following 4-step cycle, maybe you can relate:
1. Focus on God. 2. Get distracted. 3. Re-focus on God. 4. Repeat.
Simple yet excruciating.
Guys, I don't have an answer to this.
I've thought it would work itself out if I just let it sit. I think about it a lot. That cyclical perspective is the one I've been stuck on, and when I think about it in solitude or out loud to friends my stomach gets tight, my vision gets a weird kind of blurry and I want to stop typing or talking or thinking about it.
Another irony and faith test for me: today in my Christianity and Mental Health class (yes, that's a thing and I'm getting college credit for it. The class is awesome), we talked about the book of Job as a perfect story that was created for us as something to which we can relate. Sure, the entire idea of the book is that Job never cursed God when there were no answers for him, so after his patience God blessed him with more than he used to have. But you can read 3 chapters and skip to the last chapter and be done if that's what you want to get out of it. There are 38 other chapters of back and forth banter between trusted advisors, friends, and even his own wife steering Job wrong. Job never receives a word or truth from God until the very, very end. The first time I read it I was confused as to why Job was cursing what I thought was good advice from people who cared about him. "There has to be a reason behind this. What are you doing wrong? We'll help you fix yourself. Why won't you confess that you're an evil man? Why not at least sin now so you have a reason to die?" Yet Job was right for continuing to trust and "rejoice" in the Lord.
I think there's something to be said for that debate in between the "exciting stuff," and I think every word in the middle is just as important as the beginning and end. It goes on for SO LONG before anything actually happens. It's frustrating to even read.
Our view gets caught in the beginning and end but we don't focus on the years in between conflict and resolution. Sure, it makes sense at the end but the reality is that the end may not be anywhere close.
That's a scary thought.
So here's a blog for that. I'm not at the beginning, and I'm not at the end. I'm in the thick of it and I can't pretend that I'm not. What am I in the thick of? Why am I uninspired? I have no idea.
But you'll catch me dead before you catch me thinking God has no idea what he's doing.
I asked Riley to cover the blog this week, I really did. I said "I'm in a weird place right now," and Riley said, in the kindest way possible, "write about that."
But I'm realizing this is important to talk about. And maybe I needed to be in this place for you, the one or two readers who will relate to me at the moment.
If that's you, please keep going, friend. I'm with you.
I invite you to join me in continually taking Philippians 4:4 up on that command to rejoice in the Lord always. Always is now, when nothing seems to make sense. Always was yesterday, and always is tomorrow. Always is when it's "impossible."
Always.
~m
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