'tis the season
I'm writing this on Valentine's day, surrounded by an onslaught of totally cute posts from couples, Instagram stories about Galentine's, people typing paragraphs about self love, or retweeting #trendy, clever tweets that I'm fairly certain are just a low-key reason to complain about being single. I hesitate to even talk about love in a blog because it's pretty much all people are talking about right now, and yet it seems like we're obsessing over something we want so desperately and give so freely. It's like we're desensitized to something we put so much effort into trying to earn.
If you're expecting me to continue on about how God is Love and how all we need to do is just wade into basking in his glory, your expectation may not be met. Bear with me as I try to unpack this...my brain is full of thoughts that make sense to me, so hopefully I can make them make sense to you.
the treasure you may not know you have
I want to get personal and opinionated for a second to talk about the priceless commodity you own. Some people won't realize how much they need it and how vital it is to their existence until you give it to them. This resource can make good things grow beyond your wildest dreams, and when healthily balanced it can make your entire life just...better. You have a set amount that you give every day whether you want to or not. The only thing you control is where it goes. In a world that seems like we have no choice, you have 100% free will to direct it wherever you want.
You control your love. Your own love is a priceless resource.
I'm not talking about physical attraction or what feels right. I'm talking about the action of love. It's like a steadily-flowing stream that you can't stop, but it's one that you can guide. You're always loving something, proving your love by putting your time, effort, and other resources into it.
There are so many directions we could go with this, but here's what I want to focus on for a little bit:
We can love being loved so much that we have no love left to give ourselves, other people, or who/what we actually want to love.
I said the "L" word so many times in that sentence that I feel like I'm running out of my own love. Hopefully it makes sense to you, though. Think about how much effort you've put into gaining another person's affection or attention. That's how others feel about the love you control. I'm so guilty of chasing it, and I've been so caught up with the concept of love that I've missed the whole purpose of it.
Sometimes we put all of our stock in the value of what we're trying to get, so much so that we forget the value of our own love.
__________________
I titled this blog "My First Love." This is a reference to a unique way many people talk about Jesus that has really stuck with me. It's even a line in multiple Christian songs. An interesting concept to me, for sure.
my love life
My first love was not Jesus.
He was not the first thing I gave my heart to. I loved things before I even understood the concept of a Savior. I'm sure you did, too, but I don't want to jump to conclusions about your life. There are the cute, childlike first loves like "I love my mom" (hopefully that's a love that carries into adulthood as well), "I love fruit snacks," and "I love JJ the Jet Plane." I don't know about you guys, but I put my heart and soul into my playtime, TV time, and food time as a kid.
Also, there are big boy and girl first loves. A job, general busyness, a love for physical things, a love for money, a love for sex, and a love for things that we think can give us value, even just for a moment. I loved many of those things before I loved Jesus, too.
So I missed the boat on the whole "Jesus was my first love" privilege, I guess. That sucks, because imagine how cool it would be to start life truly knowing how good Jesus is...what a thought, what a dream.
"first"
Let's mess with words for a second. I want to argue that though God and his grace can never be the one we loved first, he can be the one we love first. You and I can't control time, but we can control what we do with our time. Crazy how God did that.
When you think about it from that perspective, we all currently have a first love, or a first place love. Now, it becomes a choice. Now, we're not victims of our previous naiveté. Now, I'm convicted. When I think about the first place priorities in my life, it's harder to justify God taking a back seat.
On the flipside, it makes what I talked about earlier so much more relevant. The fact that we not only control how much of our love goes where, but that we can rewire our first love to be whatever we want it to be. It makes our every action so much more powerful. It also makes songs like this so much more powerful.
I leave you with these three challenges:
1. Know the value of the love you give.
2. Take ownership and love where you want to love.
3. Strive to make Jesus your first love, if you're up for it.
~m
